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HOLY CRAP by David Hines

 

Holy Crap is a funny, satirical look at our modern culture, following its characters as they take on religion, Hollywood, television, the tabloids and each other with the goal to enrich lives - as well as their own bank accounts. It's a journey filled with religious zealots, 7-Eleven hot dogs,Caddyshack as a Christian allegory, Kama Sutra with cats, a certain amount of substance abuse, and heartfelt sex on playground equipment.

 

CLICK the book cover for a sample chapter and ordering info. Do it. I dare you.

 

CRYIN' OUT LOUD

 

A random collection of whatever occurs to me at any given moment. From silly cartoons and political screeds to political cartoons and silly screeds, it's all here!

 

CLICK on the photo of the weeping groom and his shell-shocked bride.

THE PRIVATE LIVES OF BATMAN AND ROBIN

Tales of Life, Love, and Occasional Crime Fighting in Gotham City: A Novel in Trading Cards

 

Batman and Robin - the legendary crime-fighting duo from Gotham City. We've followed their heroic exploits for decades in comics, on TV and in the movies. But what do we really know about their private lives? Sure, we're familiar with what the Caped Crusader, Boy Wonder and their legal team want us to know... but what's the real story behind the masks?

 

CLICK on the Dynamic Duo.

THE DAVE

The greatest revival theatre in my head. I've always harbored the fantasy of owning my own revival house. Coming up with double-features that fit together perfectly (even if, at first glance, the films would seem to share nothing in common). Here are those double-features, and an essay about why I chose and paired each of them.

 

CLICK on the lobby.

SIDESHOW LOUNGE

 

Straight from Arfyne City, the chocolate diamond of the Bi-State Area, comes SIDESHOW LOUNGE. Featuring the time-traveling, monster-fighting, evil-geniusing adventures of Brian Hanson, Pontius Pilates, Sam Wolf and Igor Stravinsky. This podcast is partially written and (very) partially acted by yours truly... but don't let that stop you. The other guys are very funny.

 

CLICK on the other guys.

THE FAMILY CIRCUS VISITS DISNEYLAND

America's most wholesome family visits America's most wholesome family destination. And I fuck with them.

 

In 1978, Bil Keane, creator of the popular daily one-panel cartoon strip The Family Circus created a series in which Daddy, Mommy, Billy, Dolly, Jeffy and P.J. (no Barfy and Sam left in the Disneyland kennels, I'm afraid) visited the Happiest Place on Earth. I decided to make it look like a REAL day at Disneyland with a passel of kids.

 

CLICK on the line for Space Mountain.

THE TERRIBLE ADVENTURES OF PUD

Dubble Bubble's Cheerful Mascot, Spokesman... Enforcer.

 

To compete with Bazooka Joe and his weirdly disfigured gang, Dubble Bubble formed their own band of dirt poor maladjusted youth, led by beanie-hatted, always smiling, assuredly diabetic Pud. But Pud had more on his mind than serving as a simple mascot. No, Pud wanted more. Pud wanted to rule the gum world, flexing muscle stronger than the jaws of anyone able to soften up a hunk of rock-hard Dubble Bubble.

 

CLICK on Pud.

THE FORGOTTEN HEROES OF STAR WARS

A Pictorial Appreciation

 

Meet Varks Cornfoot, Xerd Toestubber, Tark Pantsblaster, Jarvius Bluelight, Kenji and Varlo Bootstrap, Darth Vader's Pit Crew, and the Slowlearner Brothers - Zank and Burl. You'll never watch the films quite the same way again. Sorry.

 

CLICK on Spork Monopolyman.

 

CLASSIC PLAYBOY CARTOONS - TRANSLATED

 

From the vault of Playboy magazine... if you call that beat-up cardboard box hidden at the back of your closet a 'vault.' All your teenage-boy favorites are here! Swingers, cheaters, lecherous old men, dimwitted big-titted women, hilarious rapists, wacky molesters and, of course, horny Santa. All distilled down to their essence.

 

CLICK on the naked drawing.

HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY!

 

It's Halloween! The day adults get to dress up and pretend to be someone else. Kind of like every day at your job! This year I decided to throw a big, gala costume bash. And you're invited! So come on in - there are snacks on the table, booze at the open bar and a scary sound effects record playing low in the background. And who knows? Maybe Princess Leia will lower her standards enough to actually talk to you this year!

 

(Spoiler alert: She won't.)

 

CLICK on Bikini Leia from accounting.

AND MORE!

Trust me, there's all kinds of weird, funny and strange stuff hidden here and there.

Check the drop-down menus, or simply go hunting if you've got some time to kill.

MOVIES
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