AUTHOR - SCREENWRITER - HUMORIST - GRUMP
DAVID HINES
Episode 09: 'Captain Scurvy's Waterpark PSA'
Come on.
Waterparks.
At the VERY LEAST they're full of pee. Kid pee, adult pee, vitamin pee, asparagus pee, every pee imaginable.
And pee? Pee's your BEST option.
You know all those gross and disgusting people that shop at Wal-Mart? Those are the exact same people who go to waterparks. Waterparks are the Wal-Mart of amusement parks.
Enjoy the Hep-C.
Air Date: October 27, 2013
SIDESHOW LOUNGE
Episode #09
“PSA: Captain Scurvy’s Waterpark”
Written by:
David Hines
PSA ANNOUNCER
The Arfyne City Public Health Department
would like to warn citizens not to visit
‘Captain Scurvy’s Waterpark Extravaganza
and Fried Chicken Restaurant.’ Results of
a recent inspection indicate the liquid
used in Captain Scurvy’s waterslides and
wave pools contained the following chemical
breakdown:
46% urine
18% blood
12% mucus
7% semen
17% water
While these toxicity levels are still
technically within Arfyne City legal
limits, public health officials feel an
obligation to warn citizens to take
precautions when using the following
attractions: The ‘Ass-Blaster,’ the ‘Poop
Chute,’ the ‘Enema-nator’ and the ‘Oh
Dear God.’
Precautions can include but are not
limited to the wearing of condoms,
the wrapping of anal and genital orifices
with Saran Wrap, the judicious use of ball
gags, and full-body deep sea diving
apparatus.
In a related issue, we at the Public Health
Department would also like to discourage
patrons from dining at ‘Mrs. Scurvy’s World
Famous Fried Chicken Shack.’ Results of a
recent inspection indicate the house special
‘Arrr-fully Delicious Chicken Platter’ contained
the following chemical breakdown:
46% urine
18% blood
12% mucus
7% semen
17% chicken
While again, these toxicity levels are
technically within Arfyne City legal
limits, public health officials feel a
need to discourage all diners – save for
those with very specific fetishes – from
partaking at this establishment.
Thank you.
END.