AUTHOR - SCREENWRITER - HUMORIST - GRUMP
DAVID HINES
Ep. 15: 'Misty Dew'
Okay, this script actually makes me laugh.
At a recording session Michael asked if anyone could do celebrity impressions, apparently hoping we could then use those impressions to mercilessly mock movie stars. Wouldn't that be fun?
Well, it WOULD... except no one had any secret impressions they'd been keeping in their back pocket.
Except Michael. Michael revealed he could do an impression - one.
John Rhys-Davies. You know - Sallah from the 'Indiana Jones' movies. Gimli from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And "Oh yeah - THAT guy!" from about a zillion other things.
I thought about how we could use that impression in a unique way. I figured Rhys-Davies could be a spokesman for some weird product, but what? What would I like to see him plug in that deep, sonorous voice of his?
Feminine hygiene products, obviously.
Excuse me - "Feminine hygiene junk."
Tame that mess, ladies.
Air Date: Dec. 15, 2013
SIDESHOW LOUNGE
Episode #015
“Misty Dew Ad”
Written by:
David Hines
JOHN RHY-DAVIES
(singing)
“When being fresh and being clean
Is quite important to you –
Ladies you should ‘Tame That Mess’
with the products of Misty Dew!”
Hello! I am John Rhys-Davies speaking
on behalf of Misty Dew feminine hygiene
products. You may know me as Sallah from
the ‘Indiana Jones’ trilogy, or Gimli the
Dwarf from the ‘Lord of the Rings’ trilogy,
or as Comandor from ‘Super Robot Monkey
Team Hyperforce Go!’
A man’s got to eat, assholes.
Are there goblins infesting your Mines
of Moria? When you open your Lost Ark
does it melt men’s faces? Well ‘Tame That
Mess’ with the complete line of Misty Dew
feminine hygiene junk. From shavers and
lotions to air fresheners and disinfectants,
Misty Dew has whatever it is you ladies need
to do whatever it is you ladies do with
whatever it is you’re dealing with down there.
Remember my dears – no man wants to venture
down below Middle Earth only to find himself
face-to-face with Treebeard!
(singing)
“A woman is a mystery
Deep and dark and true.
Make the deep a little less dark
With the help of Misty Dew!”
Yes, ‘Tame That Mess’ with Misty Dew –
the official feminine hygiene product
of John Rhys-Davies. From Toxichem.
