The War By Christmas

It’s that time of year again! Halloween has passed and Christmas is upon us like a party guest who shows up three hours early to smile creepily while you set things up. The stores are filled with decorations, every other commercial features festive carols and/or Santa Claus, and people have begun throwing their annual ugly sweater parties - which became obsolete the instant manufacturers began making intentionally ugly sweaters for just such events.

This means it’s also time for the traditional ‘War On Christmas!’ You know the one - where conservative religious groups pretend their rights are being trampled because business owners (recognizing not everyone in the world celebrates the same holidays) instruct their employees to wish customers ‘Happy Holidays’ rather than ‘Merry Christmas.’

Oh! And local governments (recognizing not everyone in the world celebrates the same holidays) often place symbols of other religions very near symbols of Christmas.

Oh oh! And some people abbreviate the word ‘Christmas’ by removing the word ‘Christ’ and replacing it with an ‘X.’ An X! They’ve X’ed out the name of the Lord and Savior! What kind of monsters would do such a thing?

(Um - early Christians. The letter ‘X’ (or ‘chi’) represents the first letter in the Greek spelling of the name ‘Christ.’ The letter X has been used as an English abbreviation for the name of Christ for the past thousand years or so. But don’t listen to me - here’s a quote from The Christian Resource Institute: “So there is no grand scheme to dilute Christianity by promoting the use of Xmas instead of Christmas. It is not a modern invention to try to convert Christmas into a secular day, nor is it a device to promote the commercialism of the holiday season. Its origin is thoroughly rooted in the heritage of the Church.”)

But why let facts get in the way of a good tantrum?

Because that’s all the so-called ‘War On Christmas’ is - a bunch of people whose beliefs and ceremonies are in no way threatened have thrown themselves to the ground kicking and screaming because they’re being asked to share.

Let’s examine the use of ‘Happy Holidays’ rather than ‘Merry Christmas,’ for starters. I’ll bet even the most radical soldier in the ‘War On Christmas’ can name a couple of other major holidays that fall in December. Aside from the obvious Hanukkah and the New Year there’s also Kwanzaa (a Pan-African festival), Arba’een (Sunni Muslim), Bodhi Day (Buddhism), Pancha Ganapati (Hinduism), and even Krampusnacht (a European Christian tradition with the most bitchin’ costumes of any holiday!). There are also pagan holidays such as Yalda (Winter Solstice), and made-up hipster holidays such as Festivus (for those who worship at the altar of Seinfeld).

What’s that you say? Those aren’t real holidays? Why not? Because you don’t celebrate them? I’ll bet they feel pretty real to the people who do. Or do they not feel real because you’ve never heard of most of them? Well, guess what - they exist regardless. Real people celebrate these real holidays right about the time you’re celebrating yours.

Now think of how worked up you get when the cashier at the local grocery store wishes you a ‘Happy Holidays’ rather than acknowledging your beliefs with a ‘Merry Christmas.’ How do you imagine Jewish people feel being wished a ‘Merry Christmas’ everywhere they go? Or Muslims, or Buddhists or Hindus or anyone who doesn’t celebrate that particular holiday? They feel excluded, different, discriminated against.

To discriminate against someone is to reject them - their rights and beliefs and their very identities. To discriminate is to omit. By insisting everyone acknowledge your holiday (and, by extension, your religious beliefs) to the exclusion of all others is the very definition of discrimination. To acknowledge all holidays (and, by extension, religious beliefs) as equally deserving of recognition is inclusive. It creates a sense of equality, acceptance and tolerance.

Equality, acceptance and tolerance - don’t Christians celebrate the birth of a guy who made a name for Himself by preaching just those qualities?

It’s the same with placing a menorah near a nativity scene - or even a stupid Festivus pole (sorry, but you don’t get to celebrate an ironic TV-based holiday without taking a little grief). Critics complain it’ll never stop - soon we'll be inundated with symbols of every religion in the world!

Okay, and? Would that be so terrible? With inclusion comes education, with education comes knowledge, and with knowledge comes tolerance.

The ‘War On Christmas’ is actually a ‘War BY Christmas.’ It’s a war of exclusion, mis-education, ignorance and intolerance waged by people who view having to share the holiday spotlight as the rest of the world trying to squeeze them out. They feel their influence shrinking, their privilege threatened, their advantage disappearing.

Which would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic.

These are people who scream about being excluded while trying to exclude others. They scream about their religious beliefs being disrespected while disrespecting the religious beliefs of others. They scream their holiday is being diminished while working to diminish the holidays of others. It’s like every day is backwards day for these people. Welcome to the Bizarro World of the paranoid majority, where it’s not enough to get your way, you must deny others theirs as well.

Let’s be honest - only the perpetually delusional really think there’s a ‘War On Christmas.’ I’m writing this essay five days before Thanksgiving, and we've been bombarded with Christmas for a month already. (And by the way - remember Thanksgiving? No? That’s because Christmas ATE IT.) Declaring a ‘War On Christmas’ is like me taking a hammer and chisel and declaring a ‘War On Everest.’ I could chip away for a million years and never make a dent.

The ‘War By Christmas’ is waged by selfish, petty people acting like petulant 6-year-olds who not only don’t want to share their toys, but don’t want anyone else to have toys of their own. They're the Grinches at the top of the mountain, plotting to steal the joy, brotherhood and generosity of the season in an effort to keep it all for themselves.

But in this case it’s not enough for their hearts to grow three sizes - their brains need to as well.

#christmas #religion #america